Peter Parker's Precious Little Life
by OLD USERNAME DON'T FOLLOW
Summary: Part 1 of 6! Peter Parker's life is totally great, he's in a band, dating a mutant, and a superhero! But when the mysterious Mary Jane Watson skates into his life and he falls for her, Peter is faced with the task of defeating her Six Sinister Exes!
1. Dating A Mutant

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a crossover between Marvel and Scott Pilgrim. Instead of being more like a video game, it is more like a comic book. Ergo why everyone is a superhero.**

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><p>"Peter Parker is dating a high schooler!" Jan Dyne said.<p>

At Stephen Rogers's house, the members of the band known as the Mighty Avengers were gathered in the kitchen, around a little table. Present in the room were Peter Parker, the bass player; Stephen Rogers, guitarist and singer; Jan Dyne, drummer; and "Young Bobby" Drake, their number one fan and Stephen Rogers's roommate. Right now, Jan was informing everyone that Peter is now dating a... well, high schooler.

Stephen Rogers looked at Peter and inquired, "Really? Is she cute?"

Jan glared, "How old are you, Peter? Like, 24? The poor girl's probably seven years younger than you."

"I'm not playing this little game, Jan. Oh, and I'm 22. 22!" Peter drank his coffee.

**Peter Parker. Age: 22. Bass player and sometimes a superhero called Spider-Man. Status: Amazing.**

Young Bobby looked at Peter. "So did you two... do it?"

"We have done many things. We ride the bus together, and have talks about other superheroes, and her school, and, um, stuff."

Stephen Rogers raised an eyebrow. "Did you kiss her yet?"

"Not yet. We almost hugged one time, but she hesitated."

Jan rolled her eyes. "You seem content."

"What the hell are you talking about, Jan?"

Stephen Rogers interrupted, "What's her name?"

"Kitty Pryde. She's a mutant."

The door went _DING DONG_. Peter jumped up, and ran to the door. "That's for me!" At the doorway stood:

**Kitty Pryde. Age: 17. High schooler and sometimes a superhero named Shadowcat. Status: Happy-go-lucky.**

"I'm here, Peter!"

"Great! Will you be good?"

Kitty became confused. "Of course I will. Am I normally not good?"

Stephen Rogers came over to the couple. "Good God, what are you making the poor girl do, Peter?"

Peter looked over. "Oh, hey, this is Stephen Rogers. He's the talent."

**Stephen Rogers. Age: 23. The talent and sometimes a superhero known as Captain America. Status: Needs to pee.**

Kitty came in the house. When she walked into the living room, the first thing she saw was Jan at her drum set, right next to Peter's bass and Stephen Rogers's guitar. Peter introduced, "Kitty, that's Jan."

Kitty was interested. "And you play the drums?" Jan, grumpy as ever, replied, "Yes." "That's pretty cool!"

**Jan Dyne. Age: 21. Drummer and sometimes a superhero named Wasp. Status: Trying to forget that she dated Peter in high school.**

Young Bobby sat down on the couch. Kitty asked him what instrument he played. "Um... unless the 3DS counts, nothing. I just live here."

**"Young Bobby" Drake. Age: 20. Plays the 3DS and is sometimes a superhero called Iceman. Status: Having trouble with beating **_**Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time**_**.**

The Mighty Avengers got their instruments all set. Jan counted them in. "We are the Mighty Avengers! One, two, three, four!"

SONG TIME:

_I can't be sure but I think I heard you crawl through the door,  
>You didn't say a word,<br>And I think you tried to go to bed but instead you went to floor,  
>You've been out drinking with the other boys again,<br>Telling them we're only friends,  
>Making out and making noise, <em>

_Oh, stop pretending that this isn't really ending,  
>and I will stop resenting you when you stop resenting me,<em>

_I waited up late, a bit too late until you finally came in,  
>Where do I end and where do you begin,<br>You've been out partying with the guys I've never met,  
>Drinking beer and smoking cigarettes,<br>Killing brain cells and killing me,_

_Oh, stop pretending that this isn't really ending,  
>and I will stop resenting you when you stop resenting me,<br>why won't you stop pretending that this game is never ending?  
>And I will stop resenting you when you stop resenting, stop resenting, stop resenting, stop resenting me… YOW!<em>

The band finished their song, entitled "Stop Resenting Me." Kitty jawdropped.

Peter went home to his tiny apartment where his roommate Johnny Storm was waiting. Peter informed that he was dating a high schooler. Johnny replied, "Hmm. Is he cute?"

"Ha ha ha."

**Johnny Storm. Age: 24. Peter's gay roommate and sometimes a superhero named the Human Torch. Status: Highly gay.**

"Listen, Johnny. Don't tell my clone that I'm dating a high schooler."

Johnny got up and walked over to the bathroom, texting as he walked. "You know me, Peter."

"Who did you just text?"

The phone went _RING RING_. The voice on the other side of the line was what sounded like a feminine Peter. And it was. "High school mutant? Scandal!"

**Jessica Drew. Age: 22. Peter's clone who works at The Seafood, Ham, Ice cream, Eggs, and Latte Diner (also known as The S.H.I.E.L.D.) and is sometimes a superhero named Spider-Woman. Status: Irked at her "brother."**

Peter was surprised to hear that she knew already. "Who told you this?"

"Johnny, who else?"

"That gossipy b***h." From the bathroom, Peter could hear Johnny yell, "You know me!"

Jessica resumed her talk. "Who is this mystery mutant?"

"Kitty Pryde. She's 17."

"A 17-year-old mutant. You're ridiculous."

"I think she said it was a Catholic school, too."

This set Jessica off. "WHAT? WITH THE UNIFORM AND EVERYTHING?"

"Yeah, the whole deal."

"Is this you finally getting over you-know-who, or you going insane?"

"Can I get back to you on that?"

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><p><strong>AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, what did you think? Notice that I started doing author's notes. Never fear, I'll upload Chapter 2 over the weekend!<strong>


	2. The Redhead Of My Dreams

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I kept my promise; here's Chapter 2. Chapter 3 will be up in a week at the latest.**

**Here's some trivia for this series: The exes will not explode into coins. Instead, they will explode into comic books.**

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><p>"I do not want to be here at all."<p>

Peter and Johnny waited at the gates of the Xavier Institute of Higher Learning for Kitty. Johnny felt nervous, but Peter comforted him. "Relax. This school has boys, too."

"I hate you."

The school bell rang. Students poured out through the doors... some more literally than others.

Kitty was walking with her friend Jean when she spotted Peter. She ran up to her current boyfriend. "Hi, Peter!"

"Hey, Kitty! This is my awesome gay roommate, Johnny Storm."

"Ah."

"He's gay."

"Cool. Do you want to know who in my class is gay?"

Johnny perked up. "Hell yes! Does he wear visors?"

Peter shooed him away. "All right, Johnny. Go. Now."

"What? Aw, you stink!" But before Johnny left, he whispered into Kitty's ears,

"You're too good for him. Run while you can." Then he left.

Kitty and Peter walked around town, talking about the Mighty Avengers. "I don't listen to a lot of music, really, but your band is really great."

"Well, it's not really my band. It's really Stephen Rogers's band."

"Do you always call him by his full name?"

"Stephen Rogers? Yes."

"Well, either way, you guys rock."

"Well, I already knew that I rocked, but I never thought that we rocked as a group. Thanks."

Kitty looked up at Peter. "You're probably the most talented guy I've ever dated."

"Gone out with a lot of guys, then?"

"...No."

"Yeah, so, whatever, dudet!"

"I've... I've never even kissed a boy before."

"Same here." And they walked to the bus stop.

The next thing Peter saw was a desert.

He was just at the bus stop with Kitty, when he had suddenly teleported to a desert somehow. It was just him, sand, and a lone cactus. He was all alone.

"Oh, God. Alone... I'm all alone..."

"You're not alone."

Peter looked up to see a redhead roller-skating toward him. He was surprised. "Say whaaaa?"

"You're just having some idiotic dream."

She skated past him. "So can we make out, then?"

"Peter! Do you want the last piece of sushi?"

Peter snapped out of his daydream. He wasn't in the desert anymore. Now he was at The S.H.I.E.L.D. with Wallace and:

**"Other Peter" Reilly. Age: 20. Another clone of Peter and sometimes a superhero named Scarlet Spider. Status: Wants the last piece of sushi.**

"Yoink!" Other Peter took the last piece of sushi before Peter could.

"You're a nice guy. You deserve that." "Damn straight I do."

"Oh, I just remembered. I had this weird dream."

"Can we skip the dream-time? Color me not interested."

But Peter was very much interested.

The next day, Peter helped Kitty get some books from the public library. "This is weird."

"Why?"

"Libraries remind me of grade school."

"That was probably a long time ago."

"Yeah. Let's think about something else. What are we doing, again?" They walked over to the checkout table, where the librarian was signing for a package from an delivery girl.

Who just happened to be...

_...the girl from Peter's dream._

Peter must have zoned out, because the next thing that happened was Stephen Rogers telling him "I told you like 50 freaking times!"

Now Peter, Stephen Rogers, Jan, and Young Bobby were walking on the sidewalk to an unknown destination. Well, unknown to Peter, anyway. He asked Jan where they were going. "We're going to a party, idiot."

Young Bobby jumped into the conversation. "At Carol's."

"Aw, man..."

Oh, here's who Carol is, by the way:

**Carol Danvers. Age: 21. Throws parties and is sometimes a superhero called Ms. Marvel. Status: Kind of an obnoxious b***h.**

AT THE PARTY:

"This is so boring. I have to pee due to boredom." Peter walked around and ran into:

**Bruce Banner. Age: 23. Knows everyone and is sometimes a superhero called Hulk. Status: Knows everyone.**

"Oh, hey, Banner."

"Hey, Peter. You planning to get drunk tonight?"

"No, this is just Coke Zero. I don't drink."

"Riiiight."

"Oh, Banner, do you know any new redheads that are here right now in Toronto?"

"Just Mary Jane Watson. She moved here from America, I think she's here, actually." That set Peter off. He walked around aimlessly looking for a redhead. And soon enough, he ran into...

_...the girl from his dream._

_Mary Jane Watson._

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><p><strong>AUTHOR'S NOTE: Here's a spoiler: The first ex is going to be Mysterio.<strong>

**If any of you are wondering when the characters will go into to superhero mode, read Chapter 5 when it comes out. Oh, and review! I need reviews, damn it!**


	3. Mmm, Bacon

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Looks like you'll be getting your fill of Peter earlier than I thought.**

**Guy You Wish You Didn't Know, I PMed you a Beta request for this chapter and you didn't respond. If this chapter's bad, people, blame him/her (I don't know which gender he/she is)!**

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><p>Peter slowly walked over to Mary Jane. He nudged her shoulder with his. She turned to look at him. "Hey, what's up?"<p>

Mary Jane had a blank look on her face. "...Nothing." This wasn't going well at all.

Peter needed some sort of topic for conversation. He looked around the room aimlessly until he noticed her shoes. "Um, your shoes are cool?"

"Thanks. I got them when I went to England."

"They remind me something, but I'm not sure what..."

THINGS THE WORD "ENGLAND" REMINDS PETER OF:

1. Monty Python.

2. This one superhero team with one dude named Captain Britain.

3. This one really stupid Chuck Norris Fact that Johnny laughs his ass off at.

"Am I dreaming?" Mary Jane focused her eyes on the boy for a second.

Then she went pale and quickly looked away.

Peter said "I'll leave you alone now," then walked away.

AND THEN.

HE STALKED HER.

UNTIL.

SHE LEFT.

THE PARTY.

Peter walked over to Banner and asked what he knew about Mary Jane. Banner told him, "I definitely know she's American, but I don't know if she moved here or if she's just visiting. Go ask Carol. She invited Watson here, anyway."

Then Peter ran over to Carol, which was something he'd never thought he'd see himself do. "Carol, what do you know about Mary Jane Watson?"

Carol looked up at Peter with a fierce glare. "She just moved here and got a job at Amazon.c*. She comes into The S.H.I.E.L.D. where I work and always gets a coffee-"

"Before you continue, I vaguely remember the full name forming S.H.I.E.C.D., so why is the name S.H.I.E.L.D.?" Carol was silenced for a second.

**(NOTE: Peter has terrible memory and is confusing "latte" with "coffee." Carol knows this.)**

"Shut the - up, Peter. Anyway, I saw her a lot, so I became friends with her, because I make friends with everyone."

**(NOTE: No, she doesn't.)**

"How do you do that with your mouth?" Carol would've probably slapped him if Stephen Rogers hadn't come over.

"Didn't you say she just had a big breakup or something?" Peter's face lit up. "Did she really?"

Carol loomed in front of Peter, about to say something that can only be typed if centered:

"Peter, I prohibit you from trying to date Mary Jane, even if you haven't had a real girlfriend in a long time."

"Whoa, Carol, his mourning period is all over. He's dating a high school mutant." Stephen Rogers stood up for his friend.

"I don't care! You leave her alone! Besides, I'm not even sure if she actually _had_ a breakup. She keeps mentioning some guy named Osborn..."

Peter went home after that, only to hear five minutes after getting into bed: "Guess who got crunk!"

"I guess Johnny?"

"You guess right!" Then Johnny fell on top of Peter.

"So, that girl from my dream?"

"Girl? Was it Silver?"

"No, the redhead. I saw her at a Carol Party."

"Party... I'm going to pretend we're talking about a guy, OK?"

"So I was there, and hey! There she was."

"Hey! There he was."

"I think she's the girl of my dreams... but something's bothering me."

"What?"

"Her shoes. She had these shoes, and they looked... really... uncomfortable."

"I'm going to sleep now. Oh, and you should break up with your fake high school girlfriend."

Peter woke up the next morning (or technically afternoon) to the smell of bacon. "Peter, I have some bacon for you!" Peter ate his bacon, then asked Johnny "What's the website for Amazon.c*?"

**...**

"Amazon.c*."

Then Peter jumped onto the computer and started typing until the computer said "You've got mail!" Peter opened up the message and read it aloud. "'Mr. Parker, it has come to my attention that we will be fighting soon. My name is Quentin Beck and I..." Hmm... 'A duel to the death...' My God... this is... this is..."

"WHAT?"

"This is booooring! Delete!" Then he ordered some CDs and went out to hang out with Kitty.

He came back five hours later. "Did my CDs come?"

"It's the weekend, dude. Sorry, but it won't ship until Monday at the earliest. And I doubt that'll happen, seeing as how you just ordered your stuff five hours ago. Why are you so anxious about them, anyway?"

"I can't answer that question at the moment. I am now going to sleep for 16 hours straight. Wake me if my CDs come."

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><p><strong>AUTHOR'S NOTE: Before you ask, I learned "crunk" from "Just A Mistake" by LamiaDarkholm (good story). I don't listen to Ke$ha. At all. Under any circumstances. Period.<strong>

**Yes, in the sequel, I'm having Silver Sable be Envy. I have all of the characters planned out already. **

**The superhero team with Captain Britain that I mentioned was Excalibur (Captain Britain, Meggan, Nightcrawler, Shadowcat, and Phoenix II). You can't call yourself an honest comic book expert if you haven't heard of them.**

**That one Chuck Norris Fact goes like this: Chuck Norris formed the Church of England back in 1799, when his nickname was "England."**

**Review, peeps!**


	4. First Date

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Guy You Wish You Didn't Know, thanks for looking over this one.**

**I'm sorry this took so long to put up, but 7th Grade homework is a major pain. Seriously.**

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><p>On Sunday evening, the Mighty Avengers, Kitty, and Young Bobby all got together at Stephen Rogers and Young Bobby's place. Everyone was sitting in the living room. Peter was tuning his bass when Stephen Rogers made an announcement to everyone:<p>

"We have a show this weekend."

Kitty jumped off the couch. "OH HELL YES WHEN?"

Stephen Rogers was startled by this show of excitement. "It's on Wednesday. At the S.H.I.E.L.D."

Scott raised an eyebrow. "They have shows at the S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

"Yeah. Upstairs."

"I had no idea." **(NOTE: Even though Jan's mentioned it, like, a thousand times in the past.)**

Kitty clenched her fist. "Wednesday, huh? It's going to be hard to pull it off on a school night."

Peter put his hand on Kitty's shoulder. "You don't have to come if you can't. We're not even that good, anyway."

Jan protested. "Peter, she's our best fan."

Young Bobby stood up. _Sniff_.

AND THEN HE RAN OUT OF THE ROOM CRYING.

"Aside from you, Young Bobby!"

Kitty changed the subject. "Is it just you performing, or are other people going?"

Stephen Rogers thought for a second, then replied. "Stephen And The Defenders."

Peter stamped his foot. "Oh, come on! I hate those guys!"

Peter had another dream that night about Mary Jane.

In this one, he was walking through the halls of his old high school, Mighty Thor's Secondary School. He saw Mary Jane skate past him. Peter followed her. She stopped in front of a door with the number 27 on it. It stood out from the other doors, though. This one had a tiny little doorbell next to it. Peter realized: This was the door to his apartment with Johnny.

Peter quickly woke up and ran to the door. As he opened it, Mary Jane stood there about to ring the doorbell.

"Uh... Peter Parker?"

"I would ask you out, but that would be a pretty dumb move."

"Definitely."

"So can we go out? We should so date."

"Uhhhh... no. sorry. Can you sign for this?" She held out a pen and notepad.

"But then you'll leave."

"Yeah. I have other packages to drop off, you know."

"_Sigh_. Well, that's true. But you know what's weird? Before I answered the door, I was dreaming about you knocking on my door. Isn't that weird?"

"Nope. I guess what happened was you saw me travel through a subspace route that goes through your brain. I just use it for delivering packages because it makes my job a lot faster."

"Subspace? What's that, now?"

"It's... well, it's hard to explain. I'm not sure how to put it into words. Did you learn about them in school?"

"No."

"That makes sense. You guys probably just don't know about them up here in Canada. I guess that's why they're empty up here."

"Um. So where are you from?"

"America."

"The states, huh?"

"Yeah. Why, am I rude or something?"

"Do you remember me? From that one Carol Party?" **(Eager to change subject)**

"Were you the shoe guy?"

"Oh, no, I wasn't." **(NOTE: Oh, yes, he was.)** "I was the other guy... remember?"

"No. Sorry. Well, you have to sign for this now."

"But then you'll leave."

"Yeah. I have a job. Didn't I say that already?"

"No, you didn't." **(NOTE: Yes, she did.)** "So... can we? Go out? You just moved here, right? I've lived here my whole life. I could show you around. And stuff. There are reasons?"

Mary Jane sighed, knowing that Peter was persistent and that she couldn't shake him. "Fine. Is tonight good for you? Will you just sign for your damn packages already?"

Peter took the pen and pad, signed his name, took the package and threw it over her shoulder. It landed point-blank in the garbage can behind him, in front of his and Johnny's bed. "So yeah. 8:00 fine for you?"

MUCH LATER

Peter walked over to the children's park that Mary Jane told him to meet her at. She was waiting at the entrance. He called to her. "Why are you just standing there?"

"I was waiting for you, man."

"Oh."

"Um, please explain the patch."

"What?"

"On your parka."

Peter remembered he had a "T.A." patch on his parka. "Oh, that! Oh, yeah, I went to the Tomorrow Academy. And, clearly, you didn't."

"Clearly, you're a total _New Mutants: First Class_ nerd. Did you buy it, or is it homemade?"

"I'm not answering that!" **(NOTE: It was homemade.)** "Shut up, person who writes notes at random moments! Anyway, how come you came to Toronto?"

They made their way over to the swings. "I had some... boyfriend issues. So I decided to move and figured this would be a good place. That's what Norman told me."

"Who's Norman, now?"

"Friend of mine from the states. So, what do you do here for a job?"

"I am between jobs."

"Between... what and what? Clarify."

"My first job was... at a place... I'd rather not talk about it."

"I'd rather not talk about mine either."

Then they noticed that a major snowstorm was brewing. Mary Jane motioned for Peter to come with her. They walked over to a door with a spider emblem on it.

"Mary Jane... what's that?"

"A door. Come on..."

And they walked through it.

Together.

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><p><strong>AUTHOR'S NOTE: Anyone know who "Norman" is? (You can't call yourself an honest Marvel fan if you don't...)<strong>

**In this AU, _New Mutants: First Class_ is their equivalent of the June 2011 movie _X-Men: First Class_. The New Mutants are a superhero team from the Ultimates Universe that studied at the Tomorrow Academy.**

**"Stephen And The Defenders" is a reference to the superhero team known as the Defenders. More on them next chapter.**

**'Till then!**


	5. Things Get Complicated

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Wow, this story's going well. Sorry, but you're not seeing who the first ex is this chapter.**

**MoonlightSalvation, thanks for favoriting.**

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><p>"Jesus! This weather is an unmitigated disaster!" Peter and Mary Jane had walked through the door, exiting in the middle of her living room."<p>

"Relax. I'm pretty sure 'Act of Thor' is a decent excuse for a crappy date."

Peter raised an eyebrow. "A date, eh?"

"Did I say 'date' by accident? Slip of the tongue."

"Tongue."

"Besides, it's not over, anyway. You want tea?"

"What do you have?"

Mary Jane walked over to a cabinet in her kitchen, which was adjacent to the living room. "Let's see... we have blueberry, raspberry, ginseng, sleepytime, green tea, green tea with lemon, green tea with lemon and honey, liver disaster, ginger with honey, ginger without honey, vanilla almond, white truffle coconut, chamomile, decaf vanilla walnut, constant comment, and earl grey."

**(Peter status: Dumbfounded.)** "You had to have made some of those up."

"Want sleepytime?"

"Good with me." Mary Jane made the tea, then noticed Peter was shivering. "You want a blanket?"

"Yes, please."

Mary Jane went into her room. Peter sat for a few minutes waiting for her, then got up and walked over to her room.

She was in her underwear.

"I'm changing here!"

"Aaak! Sorry! I was waiting for you!" Peter covered his eyes quickly.

Then he felt warmness around him. "How's that, Peter?"

"Better. Thanks. What is it exactly?"

"Open your eyes and find out."

So he did.

AND SHE WAS HUGGING HIM IN HER UNDERWEAR.

"I'm cold, too." She leaned in toward him, and he did the same towards her. Their lips touched ever so slightly...

And five seconds later, they were making out in bed. In their underwear. (THIS ISN'T A LEMON, PEOPLE!)

The next morning, Peter woke up in bed. Where Mary Jane wasn't. Then he heard a _sssshhh_ sound.

(Mary Jane status: In shower.) "Uh, what time is it?"

"Almost 7:00. AM."

"I wish instead of having to walk to the bathroom, I could teleport there."

"An old friend of mine's like that. He told me it's actually a pain."

"Stop screwing with my daydreams."

"Just get up. I have work, and you don't live here."

Both of them got dressed, then walked out the front door. "I hope this isn't, like, a one-night stand. It was kind of fun. You want to hang out again?"

"When?"

"Well, the Mighty Avengers are performing later tonight."

"Is that your band or something?"

"Yeah. We suck." **(NOTE: They do. Royally.)** "So you want to come?"

"...Fine." Then she skated away.

"Oh, it's at the S.H.I.E.L.D.!" Peter yelled as she skated away.

Peter walked immediately over to Stephen Rogers's house. The band was going to have a briefing on Stephen And The Defenders. Stephen Rogers's presentation consisted of flip-charts detailing each member and comments from Peter:

**Stephen Strange. Age: 23. Guitarist and sometimes a superhero named Dr. Strange. Status: Disliked by Peter.**

"Stephen Strange. Boooooo."

**Kyle Richmond. Age: 22. Bass player and sometimes a superhero named Nighthawk. Status: Also disliked by Peter.**

"Kyle? I hate him!"

"Don't you hate everyone, Peter?"

"No, Jan, just other bass players. _You_ hate everyone."

"This is true."

Stephen Rogers cleared his throat. "Okay, here's an important update. Their old drummer, Namor Mackenzie, is gone after he drowned or something. So they got a girl to replace him."

Jan glared. "THEY HAVE A GIRL DRUMMER?"

**Samantha Parrington. Age: 19. Drummer and sometimes a superhero named Valkyrie. Status: Disliked by Jan.**

"I HATE HER."

"Let's go, guys. We've got, like, ten hours."

TEN HOURS LATER

Peter walked into the S.H.I.E.L.D., where he ran into Jessica, Johnny, and this one orange-haired boy were waiting for him.

"Hey, big brother!" Jessica yelled out to him.

"Jessica! Thanks for coming!"

"I always come to my brother's band's shows. Don't be surprised." **(NOTE: It's actually Stephen Rogers's band. And this is their first show.)** "Have you met Ben?"

**Ben Grimm. Age 22. Jessica's boyfriend. Status: Johnny likes him.**

Johnny looked over at him. "No, I haven't."

Then Kitty walked over with her friend:

**Jean Grey. Age: 17. Kitty's friend. Status: Has no idea why the hell she got dragged here.**

Kitty yelled, "Peter! Hey!" And at that moment, Mary Jane Watson walked through the door.

The situation was now truly awkward. So Peter ran backstage.

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><p><strong>AUTHOR'S NOTE: One more chapter left! However, you may not see the sequel until I finish <em>Camelia<em>. Which may be in a while.**

**Oh, check out my new Batman fic. It got two reviews on the first day.**

**R & R!**


	6. The First Sinister Ex

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: The final chapter is up, guys!**

**Oh, last chapter, the reason why Grimm and Grey weren't mentioned as Thing and Marvel Girl is that they're not superheroes yet. They'll become heroes around Book 4.**

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><p>"Oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap!" Stephen Rogers had one of his trademarked spasms backstage. "I cannot get through this oh God I'm going to pass out I cannot concentrate!" <strong>(NOTE: When Stephen Rogers has a spasm, he forgets to use any punctuation in his sentences except at the end.)<strong>

Jan rolled her eyes. "Rogers, you'll be fine."

"No Jan we won't be fine it's like that time we played against the Thunderbolts and got our butts kicked oh God we're dead!"

Peter ran in. "Dude, it'll be alright. Take a deep breath. A lot of people like us, remember?" **(NOTE: Yes, if "a lot of people" means "Kitty and Young Bobby.")** Peter looked out from backstage and saw that Stephen And The Defenders were all set up.

Stephen made his introduction. "Hey. I am Stephen. My guys here are the Defenders."

Johnny yelled out from the audience. "Is Sammy over there a guy, too?"

"Yes. Asshole. All right, this song is called "Eye Of Agamotto." One two three four!" And the band played their first song of the evening.

It lasted four seconds long.

"It's not a race, idiot!" Johnny gave more comments.

"This next one is dedicated to the kind soul over there who's not afraid to express his feelings. It's called 'You Stink; I Hope Gah Lak Tus Eats You.'"

"Oooh. This one's my favorite."

Then Stephen And The Defenders played that song.

STEPHEN ROGERS'S REACTION:

"We're dead my God I can't take this I'm going to jump into a lake oh jeez I'm not even making sense anymore SOMEONE HIT ME!"

So Peter did. "Get it together! We're on now!"

"Gotcha."

The Mighty Avengers went onstage and set up. Then Jan counted them in.

"We are the Mighty Avengers! One two three-"

Jan was cut short as someone flew through the ceiling into the room. He had a black suit on with a fishbowl for a head. On his chest was an eye emblem. "Mr. Parker!"

Peter knew exactly what to do next. He pressed a button on his wristwatch and a red-and-blue costume was now all over his body. He was now in full-out superhero mode: The amazing Spider-Man.

The fishbowl guy flew toward him. "It is I, Mysterio! Let us battle... now!"

Spider-Man nodded to Jan, Young Bobby, and Stephen Rogers. Within seconds, they had become superheroes too: Wasp, Iceman, and Captain America. Spider-Man leapt into the air toward Mysterio. He landed a solid blow to his solar plexus. This led to a 13-hit combo.

Mysterio fell to the ground. "Well. I was right. You are impressive."

"Who are you?"

"My real name is Quentin Beck. And I am Mary Jane's First Sinister Ex-Boyfriend."

"Say whaaaaa?"

Mysterio launched a bolt of lightning at Spider-Man. He quickly dodged it. Mysterio fired a few more until Spider-Man said, "Hold it! Are we battling to get Mary Jane?"

"Did you not get my e-mail?"

"I didn't." **(NOTE: He did, actually.)**

"Meh. Oh, well." Then the two duked it out in an awesome melee too indescribable to put on this page. Suddenly, Mary Jane stood up. "It was in the 7th Grade."

"Huh?"

"It was football season, and there were two options for dating. Flash Thompson, the jock who couldn't grab even a B+ in Math; or Quentin Beck, the scrawny but mystically-powered mastermind. I chose Quentin. The two of us were unstoppable. Everyone stayed WAY out of our way. The only thing that got between was his growing evil inside. So I dumped him."

Spider-Man jawdropped. "Wait, hold on a sec... mystically-powered?"

Mysterio floated up into the air. He snapped his fingers. Soon, a cloud formed around him. From that cloud came demon hipster chicks.

Spider-Man did a few backflips toward the stage. Almost on cue, Johnny, Kitty, and Jessica leapt onto the stage in costume as Human Torch, Shadowcat, and Spider-Woman. The seven people together onstage yelled together:

"AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!"

The heroes jumped in the air toward Mysterio and the demons. There were only enough demons to restrain six people. Which was what Spider-Man was counting on.

He fired a web from his wrist into the air...

Swung on it toward Mysterio...

And punched his fishbowl helmet so hard it shattered.

Mysterio's body glowed with light, then was replaced by a couple of comic books that fell to the floor. Spider-Man changed back to Peter and looked at his reward.

"Are you serious? _Ultimate Spider-Guy Vol. 1- The World According To Miles Morales_? I wanted Vol. 2!"

Mary Jane ran over to him. "I'll lend you my copy." And they ran out the door.

A few minutes later, they were on a subway train.

Peter looked over at Mary Jane. "So... what was the deal with all that?"

"I should have told you this much earlier, but..."

"But what?"

"If you want to date me, you're going to need to defeat the Sinister Six Exes first."

* * *

><p><strong>AUTHOR'S NOTE: Enjoy this story while you can. Book 2's not getting put up until I finish Camelia.<strong>

**Well... what did you think? Special thanks to UnnecessaryCommas and MoonlightSalvation for thir support.**

**R & R!**


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